Some readers may wonder whether I have anything to say about the sports pages. In a word, no. I don't read 'em, and I'm not interested in what happens there. If you're a regular fan and would like to report on them, I'll sign you up as an author. To me sports coverage is a complete waste of space.
Same goes for commercial press releases (can you spot them in the current issue?), thank-yous for sponsoring our (your nonprofit event here), ribbon-cuttings, advice columns, religion and other advertising disguised as features.
I wouldn't mind the comics if any of them were amusing in the slightest. (sigh)
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If this doesn't work for you, I'm sure you'll be happier somewhere else.